Begin

Long before, I used to make new year resolutions in my blog. If we think back, when did we first begin making resolutions? Was it FOMO? Just following the path of others doing it. And not because we want to do it? We get inspired reading others resolutions and decide a theme for ourselves, maybe? Why else would I be blank when I think of new beginnings now? I don’t want to start anything new. Maybe just restart? Or continue those things I stopped. Or continue being who I am before I stopped being myself.

Not like the Google maps rerouting. No, it’s me force closing the app and starting all over again to see the path which I wanted to go to reach my old destination, instead of relying on Google to show me the shortcuts which may or may not be reliable. It’s a conundrum I have been dealing with for years. The conflict of should I allow myself new unknown paths or to follow the old paths that I know to reach my destination and then come and visit the new paths if at all I feel like exploring. I may not be fulfilled on reaching the destination I want to reach but there would be contentment that I tried. To achieved it rather than giving up. Because letting go is hard even if giving up is easy.

What if the new paths can lead me to different destination that can leave me either unhappy or be at peace. There are many what-ifs like that. And umpteen ways to traverse. The advice people give is to just begin. Navigate any path that you see and dive in. You may reach a dead end and then can turn back. It’s so easy to preach though. What about the time lost?

This overthinking is what stops me from beginning anything. And we stare at the blankness. The emptiness. Wishing the canvas to magically transform to the beautiful painting we see in our mind. Eventually forgetting that the mess we create may look like the masterpiece for someone else.

The first thought that I get when I go to a beautiful hotel room is the cleanliness and organised feel. It’s the same when I see those Instagram reels of interior decorators on how to do their homes. After one week of wandering around I feel the warmth of my home though it feels messy the next instant. It’s like the salty curry made by mom. You can find the faults but keep eating it.

New year asks to throw away bad habits and begin afresh. Stop looking behind and look forward. No one teaches the magic of cleaning without magic wand though. It’s our baggage to hold. Maybe we can learn to get used to it? But doesn’t that negativity still affect your future?

The conundrum is there. The confusion of right and wrong paths is there. The choices of multiple destination is there. The past baggage is there. Yet, begin we must. Begin the new path or the old one, but begin one step at a time. Begin again to unravel the knot of thoughts. The word of the year. Begin. Push the start button. Make the first dot in the canvas.